


Kageyama Tobio is Just Fine

by butterflyoverlord



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Crushes, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Requited Crush, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush, hinata shouyo - Freeform, kageyama tobio - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2018-11-01 05:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10915479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyoverlord/pseuds/butterflyoverlord
Summary: Kageyama just looks away, ignoring him for real now. Of course he doesn’t want to be called cute, what 15 year old boy wants to be cute? Cute is for puppies and small kids and nice clothes and pretty people, like Sugawara or Yachi, maybe even Hinata, now that Kageyama thinks about it. He’s small and has nice brown eyes. But even still, the point is, Kageyama does not want to be called cute, yet he is irked all the same.





	1. Of course I don't want to be called "cute"

**Author's Note:**

> Bits and pieces of Kageyama's life. Mostly I just wanted to try writing him dealing with anxiety, but since I'm a sap I decided it would be anxiety and crushing on Hinata :P It's not super angsty rn, but that might change. Will it get gayer? Probably.

It is nearly spring. Kageyama Tobio has never honestly cared much about the weather, except when it interferes with volleyball in some way - for example, a thunderstorm stopping him from practice outside, or snow making it difficult to go running. But at this time, March of his first year of high school, he is willing the warmer weather to come quickly. There are two reasons for this.  
The first reason is, of course, volleyball. He likes to exercise outside, and practice with Hinata is more fun in the open air. The second reason is similar to the first, Kageyama thinks, poking a straw into a milk-box and taking a sip. Hinata and volleyball are just that close in his mind, nearly impossible to separate. Their rivalry means that they are each other’s best practice partner. Almost a year through high school, and now Kageyama is relatively certain that they are also kind of friends, even if they argue constantly. It’s just how it is. Hinata will say something and Kageyama has to say something back.  
Or Hinata will do something idiotic, and Kageyama will have to yell at him for it. Because sometimes Hinata is weird and stupid and in danger of hurting himself because of it and if he does, that’ll get in the way of practice. Unacceptable.  
In fact, having rounded the corner and caught sight of Hinata, he can feel irritation rising from his belly to his head, prickling it’s way through him.  
“Get down from there, idiot.”  
“I’m fine, Kageyama!” replies Hinata, wriggling his way further up the tree. He is reaching for a volleyball that is stuck just a bit above him, held fast in the vee of two bare dark branches. Despite his vague fear that Hinata is going to come crashing down at any moment - what if he hurts himself?! What is Kageyama supposed to do if he cries?! - he cannot help the smirk that tugs at his mouth. Hinata is straining to reach the ball, fingers just brushing it, but he is not quite tall enough to knock it free. The look on his face says that he knows it, and is not very pleased. He glances down at Kageyama, as if daring him to mention it. Kageyama holds his tongue. He’d rather Hinata didn’t freak out at the top of a tree. Hinata begins to reach for the ball again. The branch he’s standing on makes an ominous cracking sound. Kageyama twitches, scowling.  
“Seriously, get down. Someone else will get it. If you hurt yourself, I’m going to practice without you, ‘cause it’ll be your fault for being an idiot,” he threatens, glaring up at Hinata. He had frozen at the sound the branch had made, eyes wide. Now he moves again, looking down at Kageyama.  
“Stop with that scary look and maybe I will,” he says, imperious, clearly nervous but attempting to cover it by taunting Kageyama. Kageyama scowls harder. Hinata sticks his tongue out, and then yelps when the branch complains loudly again. Kageyama does his best to smooth out his expression hurriedly.  
“There. Come down?”  
Hinata nods, looking like he probably was going to anyway, regardless of the expression on Kageyama’s face. He maneuvers down to a safer height and then jumps the rest of the way, picking a dead leaf out of his hair and pouting up at the volleyball, still stuck.  
Kageyama can relax now, and so as he adjusts his bag and heads towards the gym, he says: “If only you were a little taller…” in a tone that really doesn’t sound all that teasing - just as though he were making an innocent remark - but Hinata knows him by now, and gives an indignant squawk, smacking Kageyama’s arm. Kageyama nearly smiles. 

Cleaning up, after practice, Kageyama overhears Daichi and Sugawara talking. They are talking about summer plans, what to do when school is finished. Kageyama wonders what they are feeling. The conversation itself is idle, a relaxed back-and-forth - “We could go back to that beach…” “There were sand-fleas, though, remember?” - but for them, this is their last summer before college or university. Kageyama imagines that might be a bit sad, if you are as close as Daichi and Sugawara. You would have to realize that the friendship would not be the same once you are apart. Sugawara is going to Tokyo, the last Kageyama had heard. He wonders if Daichi is upset about it. If he is, he does a good job of hiding it. He realizes they both have stopped talking, and are looking at him in confusion. He colours, realizing he had been frowning at them. He coughs and looks away. Suga laughs.  
“Don’t worry, Kageyama. You’re invited too. Everyone is!”  
Kageyama is confused.  
“Pardon?”  
“Beginning-of-summer party! Daichi is gonna hold it the day after school ends. Don’t look so confused, Kageyama, you’re making me feel like we’re bad senpai.”  
At this, Kageyama shakes his head quickly, stammering out an apology, and ducking his head. Sugawara’s kindness and warm smile sometimes makes it hard to find his words. Kageyama is not alone in that. A lot of people find him charming.  
Daichi looks on, smiling, and Kageyama begins to feel now is the time to go and sweep another part of the gym. He escapes, and immediately regrets not telling them “I can’t come to your party” because now there’s anxiety at the very pit of his stomach. Just a bit. He hasn’t been to a party with kids his age since he was ten or eleven. He’s not too sure how a high schooler’s party goes, and anyway, isn’t being by himself more relaxing?  
Noya gives a yell of laughter from the other side of the gym, and Kageyama flinches at the noise, then sighs. Yeah, probably more relaxing. He begins to think of excuses not to go. He has plenty of time to come up with them - it’s only March. 

His plans are foiled by Hinata, who talks about it nonstop on the way home a few days later. Daichi had announced the plan to everyone else that afternoon, and Hinata is as excited as if it were tomorrow and not months off.  
“Daichi’s house is apparently really big!”  
“Suga-san said he’s gonna make lots of food, because he’s been practicing cooking for when he leaves home. Do you think he’ll be a good cook? He seems like he would, doesn’t he, Kageyama?”  
“I wonder if we could set up a volleyball net somehow?’  
“Yachi says she’ll bring this super-yummy pudding she knows how to make!”  
“Do you like pudding, Kageyama?”  
“Are you listening, Kageyama?”  
“Kageyama?”  
“Kageyamaaaa…”  
At this, Kageyama looks down at him. He had not intended to tune him out. Hinata is pouting at him, excitement turned to annoyance in the blink of an eye.  
“You never listen! I don’t know why I bother sometimes, you big grump.”  
Kageyama stiffens a little at that. He really hadn’t meant to ignore him. He opens his mouth to apologize, but the words are stuck again. Instead: “I don’t really like pudding. It’s always really fake tasting. And too sweet. I’ve never had homemade before, though.”  
Hinata brightens instantly.  
“You were listening! Just being a grouchy old man like always. And I bet an old man would say just the same thing about pudding…” he smoothes down his hair (mostly unsuccessfully) and drops his voice in an imitation of Kageyama, “Too sweet! It’s bad for you, Sho-chan!”  
Kageyama scowls at him. Hinata drops the act, grinning.  
“Not that you’d ever call me Sho-chan. That’s too cutesy to come out of your mouth.”  
Kageyama cannot argue that.  
“Kageyama is the least-cute person I know. Always got a scary look - ack!” Kageyama is ruffling his hair, roughly. Hinata squirms away, laughing.  
“What?” Hinata chuckles, once the attack has stopped and he’s a safe distance away, “I can’t ever imagine you being pleased if I - if someone had called you cute.”  
Kageyama just looks away, ignoring him for real now. Of course he doesn’t want to be called cute, what 15 year old boy wants to be cute? Cute is for puppies and small kids and nice clothes and pretty people, like Sugawara or Yachi, maybe even Hinata, now that Kageyama thinks about it. He’s small and has nice brown eyes. But even still, the point is, Kageyama does not want to be called cute, yet he is irked all the same, and he couldn’t explain it for all the money in the world. Hinata is oblivious, as usual; he has already started talking about something else entirely. Kageyama listens to him complain about their upcoming English test until they part ways, but he doesn’t stop feeling irritated until he goes to bed.


	2. Of course the damn bun is for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life just keeps giving Kageyama things to worry about.

Spring is finally showing it’s face, and Kageyama Tobio wonders at how quickly summer must be following. That’s nearly one year of high school, already over. He’s grown a couple of inches, lately, another growth spurt. It’s made him a little clumsy; while being taller is of course good for volleyball, it’s also just embarrassing to trip over nothing. He’s envious of Hinata, who has perfect control over his limbs, on and off the court. Not that he seems to use that control to be especially _graceful_ , more bouncy, but all the same, there is something to be envied. So Kageyama does. He drifts along this chain of thought, staring out the classroom window at the melting snow and mud, but more importantly the small green buds peeking from the tips of branches. They’ll be proper leaves in a few weeks. Kageyama is tired of winter, and wills them along. He daydreams of it being warm enough to play outside with Hinata. His teacher calls on him and he starts guiltily. The class titters, and Kageyama wishes for school to be over for the day, nevermind spring coming.

At practice later that day, Kageyama notices something strange. Hinata, bouncing, gleeful Hinata, is in a mood. For Hinata to have such a put out look on his face is no big deal by itself - everyone gets annoyed at one thing or another, and Kageyama has been told many times it would not hurt to smile (but when he tries, people don’t seem to like it very much. He wishes they’d make up their minds) - but Hinata is the kind of person bad moods roll off of, like water on a duck’s back. He gets angry, but he doesn’t sulk. And yet here he is, looking like a tiny, vengeful thundercloud. It doesn’t affect his practice that much, so Kageyama doesn’t demand answers immediately, but by the time the team is cleaning up the gym, he’s a little bit worried. Hinata is still making an attempt at smiling and talking, but he isn’t quite as happy as Kageyama thinks is natural for Hinata Shouyo. And he keeps falling into a pout whenever nobody is talking to him. Kageyama makes his way over, but Daichi calls him to help put away the net; after that, Kageyama tries to fall into step beside Hinata again, only to find that he can’t quite make himself ask “Are you alright?”. Everytime he tries it feels as though by saying it, things will be awful somehow. Maybe Hinata is fine and Kageyama is just being a weirdo? Then if he asks it’ll be awkward. Maybe it’s something he doesn’t want to talk to someone like Kageyama about. Maybe he should ask Sugawara to talk to Hinata. No, that’s just him chickening out. He tries again but the words are lodged somewhere in his throat. Hinata shoots him a suspicious look, taking a step back.

“Kageyama, what’s with that face?”

His tone is so not-Hinata, flat and unimpressed. Kageyama looks away, mumbles “sorry”, and moves past him. Another idea pops into his head: _he’s angry because you’ve done something. It’s your fault. You’re too bossy, he’s fed up with you. You won’t get to practice with him outside now._ To which Kageyama fiercely tries to tell himself that Hinata was fine yesterday, and they haven’t talked since then. But that doesn’t really help so he just crushes the feeling down tight, squishing it into a small enough size to ignore, and heads to the clubroom to change. Noya and Asahi come in a minute or so after Kageyama, and the others trickle in one by one, Hinata last. Kageyama had changed quickly; now he sips at his water bottle and checks his phone. He has no texts. It’s rare if he gets one. But there are notifications on his favourite sports-news app, and someone has liked a photo on his instagram. (That was Hinata’s idea, months ago. He seems to have forgotten that he even owns an account, but Kageyama found he kinda likes being able to follow his favourite players. He sometimes posts his own photos. Sometimes.) He reads through the notifications on the sports app. Hinata is changing next him, but he’s not really engaging in the conversation around them. In fact, if Kageyama didn’t know better, he’d say Hinata was trying to shrink himself down a bit. Kageyama is genuinely concerned now. He watches Hinata from the corner of his eye. First, Hinata takes an eternity to even begin to take off his practice clothes; he fiddles with his shoes for a minute and a half (Kageyama counted the seconds), then screws and unscrews his water bottle twice, thrice. Kageyama is getting antsy watching him. _Just change you idiot!_ But Hinata continues to procrastinate taking off his shirt. Kageyama suddenly has a horrible thought. What if there bruises? Not volleyball bruises? Is someone bullying Hinata? Kageyama will not let that stand. Without really thinking, he grabs Hinata’s shoulder and growls: _“Is everything alright?”_ so fiercely that poor, startled Hinata actually squeaks, dropping his water bottle. Kageyama stares at him, willing him to tell him if he needs help. Hinata begins to look very nervous.

“Kageyama, what’s the matter? I’m sure we can solve whatever this is without physical violence,” says Sugawara, mildly.

Kageyama looks over to find most of the club as their audience. He grimaces and lets go of Hinata, who says not a word.

“I wasn’t - I’m not angry,” he tries to explain, frustrated that he has to in the first place. Why is he always being misinterpreted? Sugawara nods.

“Then what is it?”

Hinata has bent to pick up his water bottle. Kageyama gestures to him.

“He’s acting weird, ‘s all. I wanted, um. To know if he was okay.” Sugawara nods again, solemnly.

Tsukishima whispers something behind his hand to Yamaguchi, who smirks. Kageyama ignores this. Sugawara turns his attention to Hinata, who is fidgeting at Kageyama’s side.

“You’re alright, Hinata?”

“I’m fine!” Hinata chirps back, sounding embarrassed. Kageyama bites the inside of his cheek, beginning to feel embarrassed too. He thinks he might have just crossed some line he was not meant to, but for the life of him he couldn’t tell you where it was. Sugawara smiles at Kageyama, pats him on the shoulder.

“There. It was nice of you to be concerned. Just work on, um. Not sounding like you want to kill him next time you ask, alright?” Kageyama works on _not_ letting his face fall. Sugawara is perceptive, though, and says hurriedly: “It was good of you to ask him! Don’t get me wrong.”

Hinata, by this time, has pulled off his shirt. Kageyama darts a glance back at him, and is relieved to find him bruise-free, except for the usual ones from practice. For all the time he took taking his shirt off, he puts a clean shirt on in about two seconds flat. He looks up at Kageyama, and sticks his tongue out. Kageyama makes a face back, and follows Sugawara and Daichi out of the clubroom. Maybe Hinata was just being weird Hinata. Maybe he forgot his lunch again, that always makes him grumpy. Kageyama usually shares when Hinata forgets his food, but today he spent lunch doing extra English homework with the teacher, so he and Hinata didn’t eat together. He decides he’ll buy them both meat buns on the way home. Hinata won’t be weird then.

 

He does just that, ducking inside the shop before Hinata. He pays quickly, and hands Hinata a bun just as he’s walking in. Hinata looks at the bun, and then up at Kageyama’s face. He wrinkles his brow, confused.

“It’s for you, dumbass.”

“What?”

“The bun, idiot. For you.”

“Whyyy?”

“Because you were upset at practice! Listen, if you don’t want it, I’ll take it,” growls Kageyama, stuffing his own bun in his mouth. He makes a swipe at Hinata’s. Hinata dances away, nervously. At a safe distance, he points a finger at Kageyama. He has an overly dramatic look of suspicion.

“Is this some kind of trap? _...did you poison this?!”_

Kageyama is regretting ever trying to be nice. He yanks the bun out of his mouth, looking away.

“No! Stupid Hinata,” he says, glowering at Hinata’s bicycle. There’s a funny feeling in his chest, a bit like panic but more creeping. He didn’t think he’s that mean, but clearly Hinata only trusts him on the court. Maybe they aren’t as close as he thought. He takes another bite of his bun, shoving his other hand deep into his jacket pocket. He begins to walk again. Hinata follows a moment later, trotting up beside him and falling into step. He’s kinda quiet on the way home, and Kageyama barely says a word, too busy wondering if his team only likes him on the court, too. He jumps when Hinata tugs on his jacket. Snaps “what?” and then winces at his own tone. Hinata points down the road.

“This is your turn, Kageyama.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t even noticed. He gives a half-hearted wave, and turns down the street, already wondering again, when Hinata shouts from behind him.

“Hey!”

Kageyama turns. Hinata gives him a small smile.

“Thanks for the bun, Kageyama-kun.”

Kageyama blinks. He can feel the blood rising to his cheeks, self-conscious and he doesn’t know why. He grumbles a welcome, waves again, and resumes his trek home without looking back. He ends up jogging most of the way home, trying to escape the awkwardness of his own voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why was Hinata acting weird? Was he? Will it ever be revealed? Who knows...?


	3. Of course I'm not being weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama struggles to accept a compliment.

A day later, and Kageyama is still wondering about how the team sees him when they aren’t on the court. They act pretty nice to Kageyama, but now he’s wondering if it’s just them pretending because he’s a good player. He wonders if Hinata is just putting up with him when they eat lunch together, if he’d really rather eat with other classmates. He’s so chatty - Kageyama knows he’s pretty well liked, especially now that the volleyball club is enjoying some success. Kageyama finds it hard to even open his mouth in class, though that might be because the lessons are never anything that stick in his head. If they were volleyball lessons he bets he’d speak a lot more.

Kageyama is considering all of this, waiting in his usual spot. Hinata will come down the stairs any moment now, and then they’ll go and find a spot to eat lunch. Now that the weather is warming up, they’ve been eating on a bench outside, watching the last of the snow melt away, day by day. It’s still a bit chilly, and Hinata usually ends up squished against Kageyama’s side, complaining about the cold (but never actually making them go inside). Kageyama doesn’t mind too much, though he always scolds Hinata for not wearing his jacket. And then he’ll end up giving him his own jacket, and Hinata will eat his lunch, smug, while Kageyama wonders how this happens nearly everyday.

But today is different. Today is not good, because it’s been five minutes, and Hinata is not here. Kageyama figures that it’s probably no big deal, but five minutes turns into ten, and then fifteen. Kageyama swallows down shame and anxiety in turns. Did Hinata forget? Did he decide to eat lunch with someone nicer? Kageyama  _ knew _ they weren’t friends like he thought. But then he thinks: maybe his teacher just held him up, or something, don’t panic yet. And so, hopeful that is the case, he makes his way to Hinata’s classroom. He knocks, then pulls open the door to peek inside. It’s noisy; most of the class is eating lunch, desks pushed together in groups. Nobody notices him at first. He scans the room for Hinata. He’s not there. He frowns. A girl finally notices he’s there, and hops off her desk, smiles at him.

“Hi. Do you need something?”

“Where is Hinata?” 

“Sho-kun? Oh, he’s sick. He left for the nurse’s office a little while ago.”

“Thanks.”

He turns to go.

“Wait! Are you his friend?”

Kageyama just nods, not sure if it’s a lie or not. She grins at him.

“Tell him to feel better for me! From Akari.”

Kageyama nods again, and hurries down to the nurse’s office. 

 

Hinata is there, just as Akari had said. He’s lying on one of the cots, eyes closed, sweat making his forehead shine. The nurse had told Kageyama not to wake him, but evidently Hinata isn’t really sleeping, as he opens his eyes the moment Kageyama enters the room. 

“Kageyama-kun, hi…” he says, blearily, blinking and rubbing a hand over his face. 

Kageyama sits down on the tiny metal folding-chair beside his cot.

“Hi.”

“I’m sick, Kageyama. Caught a fever from Natsu.”

“I can see that. Is your mum coming to pick you up?”

“Uh-huh.”

Kageyama remembers the girl, Akari, her message. He passes it on, wondering at the way Hinata blushes, even redder than just the fever. He hasn’t ever had a girl tell him to feel better. He wonders what it’s like. They fall into silence for a bit. Hinata’s face is pink, flushed with heat, but he shivers nearly constantly. He has his eyes closed again. Kageyama watches over him, wondering if he should go get a blanket or something. He gets up, about to go and find one, but Hinata grabs his wrist. His fingers are hot and clammy, which is frankly pretty gross, but Kageyama decides not to tell him that since he’s sick and all.

“Where ya goin’?”

“To get you a blanket.”

“Don’t wanna be by myself. The nurse left me once already. What if you leave and I die?”

“Um. I - um.” Kageyama wonders if that’s even a possibility. But Hinata is pouting now, staring up at Kageyama with his big eyes all glassy with fever. Kageyama sighs and sits down again, taking off his jacket and throwing it unceremoniously over Hinata. Hinata wriggles a bit, so it covers more of him, and then says:

“You’re being weird.”

“No, you’re weird.” Defensive.

“No, I mean...you’re being really nice.”

Kageyama makes an annoyed sound.

“Sorry? I’ll stop then.”

“No! I mean. You’re actually pretty nice under all that...grumpiness. Tobio-kun, you’re like a pineapple is what I’m trying to say,” Hinata says, seriously. Kageyama squints at him, pretending like he’s not suddenly got butterflies dancing in his chest because Hinata called him  _ Tobio _ and hardly anyone calls him that.

“What?”

“You know. Pineapples.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You’re all spiky on the outside, but inside you’re sweet.”

“What the hell? That’s like...the cheesiest metaphor ever. Dumbass.” Kageyama ends with the “dumbass” because he doesn’t know what else to say. His face feels just as pink as Hinata’s, all of a sudden.

“Pineapple tastes good with cheese,” responds Hinata, dreamily, closing his eyes again. Kageyama shakes his head, willing his blush away. Hinata drifts off to sleep; the bell rings, and Kageyama leaves his jacket with Hinata.

 

Two days later, Hinata returns to school, right as rain. He gives Kageyama back his jacket, freshly laundered and smelling of Hinata’s house, and never mentions calling Kageyama a pineapple. To the day Kageyama dies, he never receives a more bizarre compliment. Kageyama is thankful that he seems to have forgotten, because  _ awkward much _ , but he sometimes remembers it and finds his face just as red as when Hinata had told him. He’s aware that his reaction is maybe a little over the top for “my best friend compared me to a fruit”, that it’s not really the best reaction to have towards something his straight friend said, that it’s kinda gay, but then Kageyama has always known he’s kinda a little tiny bit gay. He just has zero intention of ever acting on it, especially not with an idiot like Hinata. Kageyama is just fine hiding that particular piece of himself from everybody. It doesn’t matter when he’s playing volleyball, and volleyball is all that matters, so he’s fine. Girls are cute, he supposes. He’ll find one someday to marry. How bad could it be? It’s a problem for future-Kageyama, anyway.


	4. There's no way I'm jealous over that!

Kageyama and Hinata are on their way to a convenience store in town because the latest edition of Volleyball Monthly is out. Kageyama buys it religiously, and Hinata steals his copies to read when he’s done (and sometimes before he’s done) almost as religiously.  
Hinata is wheeling his bike along, looking pretty happy, chatting away about this and that. He’s not really giving Kageyama much room to talk, but Kageyama doesn’t really mind. He’s content to listen, and to watch as Hinata tilts his face up to the breeze, savouring the first properly warm day they’ve had so far. Kageyama is enjoying just being with him, which is a sappy thought, but he can’t help it if Hinata has been nicer to him than pretty much anyone. Right now, in the spring sunshine, he is certain that that fear about whether or not Hinata really is his friend is all a waste of time. It doesn’t matter, because here they are, not saying much, but still definitely walking side by side. If Hinata didn’t want to walk with Kageyama he wouldn’t have to. But he is, and that’s enough for Kageyama.  
It is, up until about two seconds later, when Hinata spots a cat. Delighted, he says to Kageyama: “Here, hold this for a sec!” and before Kageyama can protest he’s holding Hinata’s bike.  
The cat is lying in a pool of sunshine. It turns baleful eyes on Hinata as he approaches, really looking like it would rather not be bothered. Hinata ignores this, and Kageyama feels a sudden bit of empathy for the cat. Hinata bothers him when he wants to be alone, too.   
Hinata crouches and holds his hand out. The empathy disappears as the cat closes it’s eyes and stretches forward, leaning into Hinata’s touch. It begins to purr, and Hinata coos at it. Kageyama resists the urge to scoff, all of a sudden irritated. He rolls his eyes when the cat rolls onto it’s back for belly rubs, which Hinata enthusiastically gives.  
This continues for a minute or two, during which Kageyama begins to realize with some dismay that he’s sort of jealous of a cat because now it’s got Hinata’s attention. He tries desperately not to think too hard about what that could mean and instead glares at a dandelion that’s beginning to grow from a crack in the pavement.  
“If you keep that up, the poor thing is going to shrivel up and die, Kageyama,” says Hinata, suddenly much closer than he had been. Kageyama starts, nearly knocking over Hinata’s bicycle. Hinata catches it, having moved to get it back in the first place. He gives Kageyama a shit-eating grin, to show he’s joking, and Kageyama swallows down a spiky response. He’s just realized Hinata has a freckle underneath his left eye, and is wondering if it’s new. Hinata blinks up at him. Yeah, it’s new. Definitely wasn’t there before. One day of good sunshine is all it takes, apparently. It’s pretty cute, makes him look kind of lopsided, but Hinata is kind of a lopsided person anyway-  
“Hello? Earth to Kageyama?”  
There is suddenly a hand waving in front of his face. Kageyama, now intensely aware of having been caught staring, does the first thing he can think of, and ruffles Hinata’s hair aggressively until Hinata squirms away, laughing. By now having regained his composure, Kageyama says: “I was trying to make it go back underground.”  
“What?”  
“The dandelion.”   
That sends Hinata into a new fit of laughter. When he recovers, he wipes his eyes, and begins to walk again, grinning at Kageyama.  
“You’re a complete weirdo, Kageyama, you know that?”  
Kageyama smiles a bit too, because he guesses that is kind of a weird thing to say. 

They’re almost to the store when a thought occurs to Kageyama.  
“Why were you so upset the other day at practice? Monday.”  
Hinata gets an odd look on his face, and the tips of his ears go pink.   
“I-it was nothing.”   
Hinata is very easily made nervous, and Kageyama knows him pretty well by now.   
“Liar.”  
“I’m not! I, uh- kinda knocked into a really tall third-year and he was mean about it. So I was kinda upset but it’s okay now, honest!”  
Kageyama grits his teeth, anger suddenly simmering under his skin. The look on his face must have been murderous, because Hinata yelps “It’s really no big deal, Kageyama!” and ushers him into the store before more can be said on it.

Kageyama buys the magazine and Hinata buys them both popsicles. They sit on the bench outside, flipping through the glossy pages.   
“Hey, go back, I wasn’t done that article.”  
“You read slow, can’t help that.”  
“Hey! Meanie,” Hinata pinches his arm, not really hard enough to hurt. Kageyama pinches him back and then sticks the rest of his popsicle into his mouth, leaning back onto the bench and closing his eyes, handing the magazine over.   
He sighs, and says round the popsicle,  
“I have so much homework,” only it sounds more like:  
“I haff doe much homewerg,” which draws an ugly snort of laughter from Hinata.  
Kageyama takes the popsicle out to say “cute” sarcastically and then leans back even further, stretching his legs out. The sun feels wonderful on his face, warm and orange-red through his closed eyes. He seriously could fall asleep here. Take a lesson from that cat they passed earlier.


	5. Raspberry Jelly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama, meet Anxiety.

It’s not that anything in particular is wrong that day, but Kageyama is aware of a cloud that seems to be wrapped around his head only, a special kind of doom just for him. He gets through morning practice alright - can almost forget the cloud in the swing of practice. The hard exercise brings about a burn in his arms, legs, and lungs, and the feeling is grounding. The general hubbub of the team about him is comforting. But as soon as he’s out of the gym, the unsettled feeling returns with a vengeance. He can hear Hinata and Noya having an enthusiastic discussion about an upcoming training match, but even the two loudest members of Karasuno’s Volleyball Club aren’t enough to cut through the spider web stickiness of anxiety stuffed into Kageyama’s ears, his head. He watches his feet move forward, feels the strap of his bag digging into his shoulder, but it seems increasingly distant. Everything is stuck under the feeling that something is wrong, or is going to go wrong. He spends all of first and second period fighting the feeling, eyes trained on the teacher but not really seeing her.  
Lunch is even worse. By this point the sense of wrongness has multiplied. Hinata meets him like usual in the stairwell, and his cheerful chatter is a kind of relief, gives Kageyama something to grasp on to. But he finds it difficult to really focus, and Hinata falls quiet by the time they’re at their bench. They eat their lunch in silence. Really, Hinata eats, and Kageyama tries one bite of his apple and decides that he’s not very hungry. He gives Hinata the rest of his meal and stares at passing clouds. 

He expects this feeling to go away.  
It does not.  
In fact, it continues, the day after, and the day after that, sometimes worse and sometimes better. He gets used to it, in a way: he figures out how much energy he has to expend to keep up a façade of interest in what is going on around him, how much he has to expend to keep the feeling at bay.  
It continues, and continues. Weeks, a month. Kageyama begins to think that it’s probably always felt this way, only he never noticed it before. It just wasn’t this bad before. Now his thoughts surround him like starving dogs, around and around in endless circles. He wonders if he’ll ever beat Oikawa. He thinks about how his team sees him. He thinks about how Hinata sees him. He thinks about how he sees himself. He thinks about how the world sees him. He wonders which is right. Are any of them? He wonders if he’s being too bossy, too irritable, too mean. His biggest fear lately is that he’ll be alone again. Pushed this far by his own head, it’s easy to admit to himself how much the team means to him - how much it would hurt if Hinata and the others all left. He doesn’t understand why it’s a problem now, but he’s sure it’s a problem. Desperate to keep himself in everyone’s good books, he keeps his mouth shut most of the time now, afraid some smart-ass comment will go too far, that his tone of voice will piss someone off and that’ll be it. This approach seems to work: he never yells at Hinata, doesn’t even snap at Tsukishima’s snide comments anymore.  
It’s exhausting, but those starving dogs never seem to tire, and sleeping is nearly as hard as going about his day. He will often lay in pitch darkness with his eyes closed tight, hours passing. He counts every second.

There is some relief on the horizon, though: summer is nearly here. Exams are in the way, but after that, Kageyama will be free. He is looking forward to practicing with Hinata, even if by now he’s pretty sure Hinata just puts up with him.  
Hinata, at the moment, is sitting across from him, chewing the end of a pencil and frowning at a math problem like giving it a strong enough glare will solve it. Kageyama is not faring much better; his page is barely even started, and they’ve been here at least an hour. “Here” is Hinata’s bedroom; Kageyama was invited over to study. He’s trying his best to focus, but his attention keeps wandering. He’s never really been in here for more than a few moments before, while Hinata grabbed his volleyball or schoolbag. Usually Kageyama stays on the front porch or in the kitchen.  
Hinata gives a dramatic groan and flops forward, splaying his arms out and pressing his face to the tatami mat.  
“I just want summer,” he whines, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling.  
Kageyama nods in agreement. The side-effect of “not saying anything too sharp” is “not saying much at all”.  
Hinata heaves a sigh, blowing hair from his eyes. He needs a haircut, Kageyama keeps thinking. Soon he’ll have enough for a ponytail.  
“Whatcha thinking about?”  
Kageyama feels blood rise to his cheeks. You.  
“Summertime.”  
He’s only pretending to be your friend, stop thinking about him like that.  
Like what? he argues back, defiant.  
“You excited for the party?”  
“Oh. Um - I guess.”  
He’s forgotten about that entirely, but his stomach had dropped at Hinata’s words. No, he’s not looking forward to it.  
“You guess? Jeez, Kageyama, you’re killing me. It’s gonna be awesome!” Hinata has perked up just thinking about it; he sits up and without warning flings himself at Kageyama, pushing him back and sending Kageyama’s math book flying. Kageyama lets out what he would later pretend wasn’t a yelp, and scrambles to get Hinata into a headlock. They tussle like this all the time, but this is the first time Hinata has ever managed to surprise him. It worked, damn him. They fight for control for a moment, but Hinata manages to get Kageyama in a headlock first. He ruffles Kageyama’s hair much more gently than Kageyama ever ruffles his.  
“I win!”  
“That wasn’t fair,” growls Kageyama, resigning himself to his fate.  
“All’s fair in love and war, Tobio-kun.”  
Kageyama’s heart does some complicated maneuvers in his chest, attempting to escape.  
“You’re just quoting that English thing, stop tryna sound smart,” he replies, his voice sounding a bit high all of a sudden. At once he thinks that came off as mean, but Hinata just laughs and strokes his hair, putting it back into it’s usual style. Kageyama blushes furiously, unsure of how to react. Hinata slides off him and bumps his shoulder.  
“Mum made jelly! There’s raspberry and lime. Want some?”  
“S-sure,” mutters Kageyama, rubbing the back of his neck and standing.  
They head out to the kitchen. Natsu gives a shriek of laughter from the garden; Kageyama peers out the window to see Hinata’s mother aim the garden hose at Natsu. She attempts to dodge the stream of water, fails miserably, and falls on her butt in the grass, giggling helplessly. Kageyama grins at the sight - she looks just like Hinata, just way smaller and chubbier. It’s easy to imagine him at that age.  
“What flavour do you want?” asks Hinata, opening the fridge and peering in.  
“Raspberry, please.”  
“Really? I totally thought you’d go for lime.”  
“Why? Do I look like one?”  
Hinata snorts, then covers his mouth, embarrassed. The look on his face is pretty funny; then that grin of his is back, and Kageyama feels a little of the tension he’s been carrying around for months ease up. Even if he’s pretending, it does feel like that smile is real, and just for Kageyama. He can dream, can’t he?  
He opens a kitchen drawer, looking for spoons.  
“You don’t look like a lime. You look like a blueberry. And I thought you’d go for lime because it’s cool and mature and you’re always so solemn.”  
Kageyama makes a face. I can’t believe I’ve been compared to fruit twice. By the same person.  
“Sorry, I’m not cool or mature. I like raspberry. I don’t know why you think lime is sophisticated anyway. It tastes like ass.”  
“You think so too?!”  
“Yep.”  
“I like strawberry flavoured stuff. Or bubblegum.”  
“I don’t like bubblegum.”  
“What’s your favourite then?  
“I guess strawberry is okay. I like melon or vanilla best though.”  
Hinata nods slowly, like this is very important and he wants Kageyama to know he understands. He then hands Kageyama a little bowl of pink jelly. It’s sweet, and tastes artificial, but it’s alright. Hinata eats his with gusto, leaning on the countertop and looking out the window. Kageyama admires the new freckles dotting Hinata’s nose and cheeks, realizes he’s staring, and drops his gaze to his bowl. A moment later he peeks through his eyelashes to look at him again. His chest gives that twinge it does sometimes when Hinata is being Hinata and Kageyama gets kind of overwhelmed by that. He imagines it like his heart is overloading with too much Hinata-ness - light, or warmth, or something stupid and poetic like that, cuz Hinata’s just like that without even trying. There’s a rushing in his ears, and the twinge becomes an ache.  
He gives up on pretending to himself that he doesn’t have a crush. He does, a big old crush on stupid Hinata with his fluffy hair and big eyes and knobby elbows and loud voice. He has a crush on Hinata, but that’s alright, crushes happen - it’ not like anyone ever has to know. Sure, it’ll sting even more when inevitably Hinata realizes it’s not even worth pretending to be nice to a bossy asshole like Kageyama, but he’ll prepare for that. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Kageyama Tobio is just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama struggles with anxiety. Will he be okay?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
